The Death Eater's New Order
by Irish Latte Llama
Summary: Peter shivered at the thought of what the other Death Eaters would do to him if they found out Lord Voldemort was dead. Well, he could always kidnap Voldy's killer and set him up as Voldy's heir.
1. Chapter 1: Sayonara, Noodle Shop!

Disclaimer: I don't own HP. There! ;b

Notes: Hmm... I edited it some and once I edit chap 2 & 3 some they'll be up, too. Again, I am going to try to put my originals first, so the release of chap 4 is unknown. (Plus I've just got half a page done... ^_^;) But, I think I have more love for this story than "12 Labors". Well, shutting up...

I hope you enjoy...

**The Death Eater's New Order**

=============

Almost two months had passed since Voldemort came back with evil, mystic super powers and all. Times were dark. Yes, they were very dark. So dark, the British hospitals were over ran with people who had walked into cars, walls, doors, and pointy objects. Wait, that isn't right. I'll fix that later. It had also been at least sixty-eight years since this bundle of joyful evil was brought into the world. Oh, all the wonderful Muggle killings, sneaky plans on how to murder young Harry Potter, havoc and chaos in the Ministry, and all those beer drinking contests... If your brain was missing a few brain cells that was the good life. But when August 3rd rolled around, the best Death Eater holiday began. Lord Voldemort's birthday!

YES! Have you been a little, naughty Death Eater this year? If you have, you give Voldy-chan a bad present. If not, you were killed (This also applied if your present was 'nice'.) I almost became a Death Eater just to celebrate this fun and evil day. However, this year something _nice happened. Something so __wonderful** it made evil bastards everywhere whine and pee in their pants. This _wonderful _event is the center of this fic. It is also the beginning of a long year. Not for Harry Potter. No, because Harry Potter should learn to share the stupid limelight. This long, very strange year belong to Hironobu-san.**_

_Chapter 1___ _Sayonara, Noodle Shop!_ _Leaving with a very scary man..._

He wore a Western hat a top of his rough black head of hair. A cap as the Brits and Americans may call it. Whatever it was called, the hat had been stained by decades of dirt, and shoved through many hardships. Just like the other clothes, he was dressed in. Was this small child an orphan? 

The boy smiled at Warui and offered him a seat beside him on the beach. Warui relucently sat down on the warm, white sand. Where was he? His family's noodle shop stood nowhere near an ocean.

The Japanese teen shrugged deciding to go with the flow and turned his gaze to the gentle ocean. Only the sound her rhythmic waves filled his ears. No sea gulls. No wind. Just waves of the blue ocean. Warui noticed tiny slugs hiding in the sands of the beach from the crystalline waves. Carefully, he picked one up. The small gray slug squirmed himself inside his small white shell. Warui slowly tucked the slug back into the sand realizing it did not wish to be disturbed. He then grasped how beautiful it all was for the first time in while. All of it was perfect. All of it was pure. All of it was happy... "Amazing..." whispered the fourteen year old.

The orphan nodded in agreement. "The Artist did well painting this, and those who can't see it are blind." He paused, briefly. "Doesn't _warui in Japanese mean bad?" the boy innocently asked while staring at Warui. He still wore that hopeful smile with glittering eyes. _

Warui nodded then curled his knees close to his chest rest his head on them. "How did you know? Most Westerns only know the words for idiot and cute..." He turned to boy and returned his smile. "Kinda silly, isn't it?"

That child didn't chuckle at the Japanese boy's comment. Instead, he peered into the ocean's seemingly never-ending horizon, and smirked a smirk that sent shivers up Warui's spine. "Fits us well, doesn't it?" the orphan remarked as he began to write something in the sallow sand with his finger. That time, Warui didn't respond. Inside, he was becoming increasingly anxious by the second. "No need to be scared. Just a question..." The child finished his sand writing with one last stroke.

_That's right courage! Just a dumb question. Warui was about to answer, really he was, but he found himself gawking in revulsion at what the boy wrote in the sand._

  Korosu... Shi... Shitai...?!

"Who are Warui!"

"Warui! Warui!!" WHACK! A big red bump appeared on the boy's head. "Sleeping again?" 

   "What? Huh?" Slowly Warui glanced up and saw his grandpa staring him straight in the eye. Those brown eyes were always slits like a snake when Warui saw them. "I…I…" Warui's mind sped then he piped, "was washing dishes all night, Ojjisan (grandpa)..." The boy put on a puppy dogface to hopefully make it believable. The old man smirked. Warui had failed at lying. "Why do Niisan (big brother) and Rumiko not wash? Plus they get breaks, why don't I?" Grandpa Hironobu grinned then, once again, whacked Warui in the head with his staff.

   "But, Warui, you're always sleeping." 

   Old man Hironobu marched out of the kitchen into the serving area of his little Japanese restaurant leaving his middle grandson muttering about his work. 

Behind the counter was Rumiko, his youngest grandchild and master cook, with her head resting on her hands. Akira, his eldest at seventeen, stood thinking to himself. The whole week had been like this at _Hironobu's Japanese Noodles n' Sushi. Empty, boring, and hot. The family's restaurant was in outskirts **of **the outskirts of London. Grandpa Hironobu thought in back April that it would be a perfect location since it was by a highway, but now he regretted. Only three customers and it was already early August._

   "Ojiisan," Hironobu turned to Rumiko. "Can we go back to Japan?" Akira nodded in agreement.

   "Hai (yes), Ojiisan," Akira agreed. "We barely have anyone that comes in. I hate England. These people must not like Japanese food."

   "Hai, Hai!" chirped Warui from the washroom. With a dirty glare from the old man, the fourteen old boy squealed and went back to work. Hironobu sighed.

   "All right if somebody doesn't come in tonight we'll leave for Japan as soon as..."

RING! Just then, a man ran in. This rushing man seemed to be a very short middle-aged man with balding hair. In his arms, he held on to another man, very pale and skinny. 

   "Help! Please, I need help!" cried the balding man.

   "Akira! Take him to the back room!" Akira quickly rushed the unconscious, skinny man off. Hironobu approached the shaking man. "Sir, what happened?" he asked with a horrible British accent.

   The man stuttered some then finally said something. "M-my name's P-peter." he started. Suddenly, he began insanely weeping and snatched a hold of the old man's apron. "P-please save him! I don't want them to find out!"

   "Sir, calm down, please."

   "They're gonna to kill me if they find out! Sav-" Hironobu smacked him in the head with his staff.

   "When I say calm down, chill…" The grandpa rolled his eyes. "Rumiko, get some cold water." Hironobu asked in Japanese while setting Peter neatly on the birch floor.

  "Hai!" replied the eleven-year-old girl as she rushed to the bathroom outside. Now, Warui was watching all this through the window in front him and thought this was his perfect chance to stop washing. 

"Hey, Ojiisan!" he yelled. His grandpa flipped around and glared at him. "What do I do?"

"Either wash dishes or commit a painful suicide."

Ojiisan turned his attention to Rumiko who had just brought back the water. "Shimatta... (Darn)" muttered Warui to himself. The dirty dishes in the soapy sink seemed to laugh at his failure. The stupid dishes could snicker all they wanted for all the pouting fourteen year old could care. He'll just laugh when Akira drops and breaks one the birch floor... Wait a second! Of course, Akira! Akira was just as lazy as him! He could play Akira so he could get out of washing dishes! That's the plan of action! Alright! He better get going.

Glancing out washroom window, Warui noticed Ojiisan was paying him no mind, but was messing with the TV hanged over a table. Probably trying to find _Japanese Idol_... That thought for no reason sent a sweatdrop down Warui's head. Rumiko sat on the floor soaking a cloth for the balding man. Quietly and stealthily, he snuck toward the door outside. Creak... Creak... **BOOM**! Dumb, rotting floorboard! Now, he was so...

"Damn Americans," cursed Hironobu in Japanese. "Don't they know Great Britain is on their side?"

Rumiko gazed up at her grandpa, very baffled. "Ojiisan, what do you mean?"

"They're bombing Great Britain, child! This is WWII. They should be bombing Germany or Italy. Americans are complete morons, remember that."

"But, Ojiisan, WWII ended in 194..."

"Please go tell the lost air force where Germany is, Rumiko."

Warui's sister sighed and reluctantly marched outside to inform the American Air Force of their 'bad directions'.

...not busted. He sighed, relived, tugged his foot out of hole, and swiftly fast-walked to the wooden door. Open. Shut. Outside in the refreshing August night. Warui wouldn't mind staying outside a little longer, but Rumiko or Ojiisan would easily find him. The boy didn't want to be caught when he was so close to getting to the back room. He strolled along the short strip of green grass and carefully opened the back room door. Carefully, because he remembered, how he accidentally ripped it of the hinges last month. Grandpa Hironobu watched him fix it with an iron fist. That was not a good week...

The fourteen year old was now in the family's dimly lit bedroom: AKA the back room. It was a simple bedroom. The dull wooden floor creaked. Walls were covered in posters from_ Ranma 1/2_, _Akira_, various Studio Ghibi films, and the occasional, censored hentai pictures. The aluminum roof sung with off-tune songs of the wind. Warui spotted them. The skinny man lay on a cot in the corner with Akira eying closely him. "Niisan (big bro)!" 

   "What?" asked a very surprised Akira while clinging on to the nearby wall. 

   "Do you need me to watch him? I'm really good at watching stuff." Warui, again, put on his puppy-dog routine hoping it would help. Akira pondered this as he let go of the wall and crashed onto the floor. His younger brother was usually not to be trusted especially with that stupid puppy-dog face... but he was missing _Japanese Idol and watching an odd, skinny, old man was quite boring!_

   "Hai." he finally answered. Warui grinned at his lucky break. Now, he could have a nice nap without Grandpa's staff hitting him in the head! Can you feel his bliss? Akira ran out the door, then reentered adding, "Vote for Yukiko!"

   Warui shooed him off saying he would and turned back to look at the man. He wore solid black robes. Robes... who wears robes anymore? And his face! What in the world?! It was twisted into some bizarre cross between human and snake. What an odd man he was! Then, that's when Warui noticed a stick poking out of the robes. Wondering what it was, he took it out of the pocket and began carelessly swishing it around. "Haha! Look at me! I'm a wizard!" happily joked the Japanese boy. 

Right then, the white hand of the skinny man shot up and grabbed the wand. "No," said the man in an evil voice. "I am!"

Warui blinked a few times in confusion. "Iie. I am." He snatched the wand back from the skinny man. The skinny man also blinked his bright, red eyes a few times in confusion. 

"No, I am little boy." He quickly snatched it back from Warui.

"No." GRAB!

"Damn you! It's mine, and I'm the wizard!" SNATCH!

"No!" SEIZE!

"I went to wizard school!" GRASP!

"I 'm a wizard, because I wash dishes!" STEAL!

"That's not a reason!!" RUNNING OUT OF WORDS TO USE!

Now by this time, Warui was very irritated. That stick thing was just about the coolest toy he ever seen before. He wanted, NO, **needed to play with it just for a minute... **

"DROP KICK!" he shouted like in a bad martial arts movie.

"Drop wha-" The skinny man suddenly screamed in pain. This was perfectly understandable since Warui did drop kick him in the chest. Wait, no... Correction! It was suppose to hit him in the chest, but the teen should have aimed up a little more... poor skinny man...

Warui stuck out his tongue in victory and snatched the stick back up. He actually won an argument! What a lucky day! First, he got out of dishes, and now this! In a cheerful manner, the Japanese boy pretended he was a wizard for about ten seconds. After this small amount of time, he became bored. Kids today with their short attention spans...

"Here, Jiisan (old man)." Warui put the wand back in the man's pocket. "Sorry, for being rude but you need to share, sometimes." The man said nothing. "Oi, you don't have to give me the silent treatment..." Some crickets chirped in the background. "Okay, maybe we started on the wrong foot!" The fourteen-year-old boy jabbed his hand out for the man to shake. "My name's Hironobu Warui!" The man didn't respond in any way. Warui, slightly irritated again, grabbed the man's hand and shook it. It was awfully cold... "Okay, now that we're friends, what's your name?" CrAcK... "Crack? That's an odd name..." The boy tried to shake his hand free from the skinny man's grip, but couldn't. "Oi, you can let go, noWHAT THE **^insert bad word of choice here^**!" The man's white hand had broken off his wrist and was gripping Warui's hand! Oh my! Thank God, it didn't happen to me...

Disgusted and scared, Warui insanely tossed the pale hand at the man's corpse. Did he actually kill him with that drop kick? Well duh! The boy couldn't believe it. He **murdered** someone! Quickly, he dragged himself out the backroom door to escape the sight of the dead man.

Night air! It relieved him ever so slightly from the horrors that had just unfolded. Well... until the balding ran to him screaming. "Is my lord, all right?! Is he well?" Warui had no idea what this man was shouting about. He'd never really paid attention in English class back home in Japan...

"Nande?"

"Lord Voldemort! Is he okay?!"

"Nande?"

"The man in there." He pointed to the backroom. "Is he okay?!" Warui put on his best fake smile and nodded. The balding man, Peter, happily skipped in then rushed back out in terror. He slammed Warui against the wall of _Hironobu's Japanese Noodles n' Sushi_. "I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE WAS OKAY?!?!"

Warui chuckled, nervously, and answered, "Hai, hai..."

"Did you kill him..." His eyes were wild and wide yearning for an answer.

He was quite unsure about what Peter said, so he gave him another nod just for the heck of it all. The balding man's jaw dropped. "Oh my... what a problem..."

"Hai, hai."

"You have really screwed me over..." Peter shivered at the thought of what the other Death Eaters would do to him if they found out Lord Voldemort was dead. Then for once Peter calmed down, and thought about how to fix this problem. Very scary and out of character... It came to him! The perfect answer... "You realized who you killed was... umm..." How did those Japanese suffixs go? San is mister. Sama is lord. Yea that's right! "You killed Voldemort-sama." Peter did hand signs to try the get the point across.

Warui tilted his round head very confused. "Voldemort-sama??"

Ugh! Screw this! Peter quickly ran inside. "Can I kidnap your son for killing the evilest wizard in all of Great Britian?"

"Sure! Whatever..." mindlessly answered the old man. "Now leave, _Japanese Idol is on!" Dashing back, Peter knocked out Warui with a simple spell, packed him in a potato sack, and headed toward Death Eater HQ in the west._

"Matte (wait up), Jiisan!" cried small Rumiko as she got up and chased after Peter.

Uh oh... Peter got busted for kidnapping. Ha ha! That dumb dope! He tried running faster, but with technology who is fit enough to run fast? Cute Rumiko tugged his robes.

"Here, Jiisan." she said handing him two small boxes wrapped in a pink cloth with some Japanese writing on it. "It's some of my special ramen. I thought you might need it since you're kidnapping my brother." How weird. She wasn't distressed or worried, but cheerful? Foreigners are freaky. Very freaky, indeed.

"Umm... what does the writing say little girl?" Peter asked curious, but scared by Rumiko's abnormal behavior. Maybe this boy was such a menace his family was happy he was being taken away.

"Oh, it says, _VOTE YUKIKO_. Ojiisan and Niichan are big fans of _Japanese Idol_." Peter took the ramen and stuffed them in the potato bag with Warui.

"Uh, what's _Japanese Idol_?"

"Oh, it's a show where people sing and try to become pop stars. Knowing the rest of the world, they'll pick it up. Of course, I think it's stupid, and I rather watch Miyazaki-sama's _My Neighbor Totoro_! I like the big cat-bus and Totoro and th-"

"Uh, look kid. I really need to leave. But thanks for the..." He paused trying to remember the word. 

"Ramen." the girl helpfully added.

"Umm... yeah." Again, Peter began running west into the dark, clear night. Was he running as fast as he could, you ask? Of course. Kidnapping is against the law. Plus, Rumiko was totally creeping him out.

Eleven year old, Rumiko Hironobu, smiled, saluted the two, and shouted, "Sayonara, Onichan (cute way of saying big bro)!"


	2. Chapter 2: Konnichiwa, Warui sama!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Suboshi from Fushigi Yûgi. -.- I wish I could poke them though...

**The Death Eater's New Order**

=============

Overhead, the stars glowed like a thousand small nightlights comforting anyone with an intense fear of darkness. Also helping was the moon, which became that hallway light that eased many children into dreamland. The dust from the old dirt road seemed almost like it was rare silver dust thanks to the moon and stars. No matter the color, the gentle summer breezes picked the dust as if it was a child wanting their best friend to come outside and play a game of tag. Warui Hironobu, however, had a bad seat in the crowd and was unable to awe at these August wonders.

Warui's sight was officially snubbed out thanks to the darkness of the potato sack.  Of course, he didn't guess he was in a potato being carried by a wimpy wizard who could turn into a rat. The boy thought of this as a yume or dream in English. He thought he was Tetsou from _Akira_. In this so-called dream, Warui believed he was being tested by a group of scientists looking for psychic energy. Tetsou (Warui) didn't know why they kidnapped him, but it may have had something to do with that kid he almost ran over with his motorcycle. The constant, random movement of the machine testing him didn't make Tetsou sick. In fact, he barely noticed it. Huh? What was water doing here? He felt it wet his pants. It smelled rather odd, but was still water. Tetsou, then, utterly wished he could get out of this hellhole soon. He didn't like the headaches he received after testing. He hated the way the scientists were so overprotected of him. Just the way Kaneda was... Tetsou wanted to be free and the power to be strong...

_Chapter 2:___ _Konnichiwa, Warui-sama!_ _Having no say in life's path..._

After about ten to twenty minutes of running west to Death Eater HQ, Mr. Pettigrew became very tired. Any normal person would if you had to carry a 14-year-old boy in a yellow potato sack. Wait, when was the sack... eww! Anyway, Mr. Pettigrew was no normal person...

Peter stopped running and looked up at the author. "I'm not?" he questioned in a clueless voice.

The author rolled her eyes and continued writing. In fact, Peter was a wizard.

"And?" 

A wizard who could disappear and instantly appear at Death Eater HQ.

"Oh yeah..." Mr. Dummy began pondering what these facts could mean.

A wizard who better instantly appear at Death Eater HQ before the author suddenly makes a werewolf appear and eat him... GET IT!

Out of great fear, Peter appeared at Death Eater HQ in Bristol. (Oops...don't tell the Ministry!) 

DEHQ was the greatest place on earth for all evil dudes who supported Voldemort. Also the smallest with an area about 36 sq. ft. or about the size of a two-person bed, fitting ten people nicely with little room for movement. In addition to being little, DEHQ use to be the girl's bathroom from some old store. The Death Eaters used the store as the HQ, but when Voldemort fell out of power, it exploded (along with the boy's restroom) for no reason. The girl's restroom, though, went undamaged ...spooky kinda.

Peter took a deep breath and trudged reluctantly toward the girl's... I mean DEHQ. Other Death Eaters dressed in dark robes mingled with each other outside. All of them doing this with an "I'm too evil for my robes" impression just like everything they did.

Peter, who lived through all the evil remarks and glares from "fellow" Death Eaters, reached the door. Why they always evilly remarked Peter for everything was obvious. He didn't look or act very evil, but acted like a total coward most of the time. 

Guarding the swing door to DEHQ, however, were the biggest but perhaps dumbest Death Eaters. Please put your hands together for Crabbe and Goyle! Well... at this moment they weren't exactly doing their job. Instead, they amused themselves by covering up the 'wo' on the women's sign to form men's. -_-;

"Umm... hello..." The two straighten up in a second and put on serious faces.

"Password?" bellowed Goyle.

"PaSsWoRd?!" screamed Peter. Obviously, he was still nervous about his 'little plan'. If it didn't work he would surly be very screwed. "How come everything in this bloody world needs a password?! I go to a vending machine for a drink and it asks me for a bloody password!! A VENDING MACHINE!!! I dunno maybe it's Pepsi, but no turns out to be some stupid Latin word I can't pronounce! They don't teach Latin at Hogwarts, for heavens sake!!" Steam came rushing out of Peter's now red ears. "So now I'm gonna die from thirst! Really, come on!!" 

The two guards stared at the tired man, flabbergasted by his screaming. Crabbe leaned close to Peter and whispered, "You shouldn't say the password so loud." 

Despite this, Peter took note to it, but combined weight of actually doing something sneaky and this boy would make anyone jumpy. Also sweaty... Time to invest in some soap or something that smells nice.

"Thank you for that remark, Crabbe and Goyle." He shot a weird but cunning smile at the ape-like guards. He's going OC again. Be very afraid! "But if I were you, I would let me inside, beau-"

"That made no sense." abruptly added Goyle. Scary enough, Mr. Crabbe bobbed his head up and down in agreement.

"It doesn't follow the rules of Algebra and Geometry." he oddly chirped still bobbing.

Like you, Mr. Wormtail's life has just shorten twenty years from the abrupt shock that these two "morons" knew about math higher than what they teach in first grade. 

"There are three rules of equality."

"These are _'a=a'_, _'a=b, b=a', and __'a=b, b=c, c=a'."  _

For those of you who have taken Algebra, you should know these simple rules. For those in Geometry, you about using the little boogers for proofs. God, math **is** everywhere...

"Look!" Little Peter was so frustrated and insanely tired that he stomped his foot as he shouted. "This is **not** math class with Ms. Gorf! It is the Death Eater headquarters! We're suppose to be planning evil things like how to kill Harry Potter, torturing Muggles, and how to beat the cutting knife when cutting vegetables! Math class is for geeks!"

Crabbe & Goyle rolled their eyes and said, "Geeks rule the world, Peter. Not stupid preps. Geeks. Look at Bill Gates for bloody sakes..."

Peter had enough of those two and their math rules. He was as mad as bull, blind as a bat, and about as insane as a first grader on sugar-high. He wanted to *censor* them and *censor* their *censor* off a *censor*. 

The author placed those censors in to protect the readers fragile mind from violent images of Peter cutting Crabbe and Goyle up with a Swiss army knife and hanging their heads off a waterslide. Wait! The author thinks she just defeated the purpose of the censors. Oopsie! Remember there's no point in suing the author, because she's broke. Hahahahahaha!!!

Since the plot line of this fic needed to actually get inside DEHQ, the author creates a fifthteen year old with brown-blond and blue eyes out of nowhere. He wore an orange and blue Chinese uniform and looked very pissed. I think I forgot to mention he has a scary string with two balls on it. (Don't take that the wrong way) He glared at Crabbe and Goyle with a mad fire of vengeance in his eyes and says, "You killed my brother..."

"Uh... no we didn't." they lied. "Wait. We're not lying..." Wrong answer. The boy screamed a war cry and insanely chased after the two guards wanting to kill them. "WE DIDN'T KILL YOUR BROTHER!!!"

Peter questioned what that was about. He figured it was one of those weird anime jokes the author was talking about earlier. Making a P.O. Suboshi from _Fushigi Yûgi_ appear out of nowhere shows that fan fic writing is a form of torture for the characters. Of course, if Peter tried to rebel against my great, immortal power, I would send Veggie from _Dragonball Z_ to beat him up. That's always a good threat.  

With the door guard-less, Peter slowly pushed them open. It was pitch black! He settled the bag down on the floor and began wonder where the stupid light switch was? While trying to find the answer to that mythical question, Wormtail ran into a wall. He cursed the wall and bumped into someone. Uh oh... Only the most important and totally evil Death Eaters were actually inside DEHQ. He shivered very scared of who he ran into. 

Click! Someone turned on the lights. Before Wormtail stood a man. A tremulously evil man whose dark robes covered his creepy, shaved legs. A hand reached up to take off the hood and uncovered the man's face. The curly hair wanted to make Peter shriek in uncontrollable fear. That fake, perky smile that would never go away made him almost pee in his robes. Lo and behold! This man was wickedness at it's scariest. Who was he? Richard Simmons.

"Oh come on, guys." he said in that annoying, happy-go-lucky voice to the two Death Eaters behind him. "What happened to our ripple?" 

"Look, Richard. No one's in the mood for your idiotic ripple thing." With that, another hood came off. Defiantly not the ugliest Death Eater around, but the most beautiful. Long, flowing black hair with two strands poking up out of place... Bright green eyes with a constant flare of wit and smart-ass rebellion...  Long, smooth legs, curves in all the right places, and big... WHAM! A red hand mark showed brightly on Peter's cheek. "You stupid pervert!" screamed the woman. "How dare you try to check me out! I swear if you do it again, I give you a personal sex change with an ax!!" She gave him threatening hiss and probably would have tried wringing his neck if the third Death Eater didn't hold her back.

GLOMP! "Calm down, Neko." advised her fellow Death Eater. SMACK!

"Hey!" Neko pulled out of his little hug of love. "Just because you're some rich bastard doesn't mean I'll hurt you too, Malfoy! No one's allowed to stare at me, put me in their perverted fantasies, glomp me, or crop a feel."

"You can at least let the sorry people live in their fantasies." Lucius Malfoy sneered removing his hood.

Her green eyes narrowed dangerously as she quietly answered. "Shut up."

Okay now for a Lucius Malfoy description...

Lucius Malfoy also known as Mr. Cocky, Mr. Rich, Mr. I Just Act Evil On The Outside But I'm Really A Sissy On The Inside... I could just go on about how this guy is just unlikable by my standards. Sadly, that would be more than 400 kb.

"Watch it, chicky, or I'll send my loyal fan base to kill you." The author laughed off this weak threat knowing she's immortal by fan fic character standards and continued writing. 

Maybe now's the time to set things into action. I mean, Peter had nothing else to lose. No friends because he betrayed them all. No family because they all thought he was dead. Not even his life was worth a sickle, because that just totally sucked. Now that's depressing. Nevertheless not feeling the twisted, sick pain of torture from the Death Eaters was high on his list of things to avoid. "Excuse me but have news..."

Not many, however, were listening. Malfoy was double counting the names of those in his loyal fan base. No remark on the number. Neko was muttering something about guys never being perverted in America. No remark on the truthfulness of that. Richard was bouncing in an energetic manner, but was listening.

"Three. What news do you bring, Peter? One. Two." Again with that happy, cheerful voice! Peter really was scared of this guy. Maybe he could set this plan the right way to get rid of Simmons...

"I bring news of Lord Voldemort's murder." Perhaps, a tad too cocky by Pettigrew's standards, but as long as it worked.

Silence mixed with alarm and uncertainty. "Voldy-chan?" Neko whispered. She shot a dirty glare at Peter as if it was a sick joke. "Voldy-chan and murder are two words that do not need to be in the same sentence." Pause. "Unless Harry Potter's been murder by Voldy-chan..."

"He is?" Malfoy glided over to the now trembling Peter. He should have known Malfoy was too smart to be tricked. "Weren't you suppose to be watching Lord Voldemort at his birthday party?"

Excuse... need an excuse for not watching Lord Voldemort better than playing his Game Boy in the basement...

"Well, Lucuis... That son of yours..."

"Yes, Draco. What about Draco?"

Think, Peter! Think! "Well... He dress up like the yellow M&M and tempted his lordship to chase him." Deadly pause. "Lord Voldemort chased after him, but by a freak accident got his tongue stuck to an icy truck on its way to Toyland. The truck dragged him all the way to Toyland where Simmons," He jabbed a finger at the hyperactive Richard Simmons. "ran him over with one of Santa's reindeer." 

Malfoy's cold gray eyes examined Peter. No twitching, no fearful whispering, and no hectic breathing. Oh my! Peter must be telling the truth! How out of character for him! "Well, Simmons. I never thought you sink to something so low." he snidely remarked, smiling deviously. "Neko, if you will execute the punishment."

The raven-haired woman glanced up from her sadness about Voldy-chan's death. She quickly stood up and kicked Simmons through the roof with such a force that will probably take him onto Mars. "That's for killing Voldy-chan, stupid jerk!" she screamed after him.

"Uh, Neko."

"What?" she asked in a nice halfway cute tone while turning around to Malfoy dramatically flipping her long hair. Was she smiling?

"You were supposed to kill him." That was said in cold 'nah dur' voice.

"Oh." Someone turned a light on in the attic. "Well, just shut up you, brainless idiot!" Neko turned back around (yes, she did do that hair flip thing again...) and stamped into a stall cursing men. Malfoy and Peter sweatdropped and stared not quite knowing how to react. After standing awkwardly for a few minutes, the two went back to business.

"So," Malfoy started rather quickly and excitedly. "Did Voldemort mention anything about an heir?" Did he just go up the C Major scale while asking that? Of course! Why didn't Peter see this before? Lucuis Malfoy wanted to be the next dark lord! What an "in your face" plot turn! Despite that, it meant he had to break Malfoy's long awaited dream. Oh, what wonderful revenge he was given! 

"Yes, he did mention something about an heir about he said nothing about you." Malfoy suddenly went very downcast very quickly then furiously flared up with rage. He snatched Peter up by his shabby robes and shoved him against the sink. 

"But why? I'm the best Death Eater there is!" Peter smirked. He'd really guessed it. Malfoy pushed him even harder against sink, very pissed that things were not going his way.

Neko, who was watching from inside the bathroom stall by standing on the toilet, let out a smart-ass answer, "Well, good non-static hair is a trait all dark lords must have."

"What the hell is that suppose to mean, Neko?" He sent her an angry glare that yearned for either justice or vengeance.  

She smiled sweetly. "Look in a mirror, Lucius. Maybe you should stop wearing those robes since they mess up your hair pretty badly." All said with a witty, sarcastic voice. Lucius Malfoy sneered at Peter and his cocky smirk. This buffoon wasn't going to get the best of him. And with that thought driving his body, he violently pushed Peter away from the sink onto the cold tiled floor. He glanced in at his well-groomed blond hair...

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" Please ignore the adjective 'well-groomed' in the last sentence. It should have said something along the line of "Mr. Malfoy's hair was so full of static that it stood hair on in and even conducted electricity". I always knew if Lucius wasn't an evil, rich guy working for Voldemort, he would do great things with Alabama Power. Peter and Neko could barely hold in their giggles as Malfoy franticly tried fixing his hair.

"So, Rat," Neko began still trying not to laugh. "Who's Voldemort's heir?"

Peter, also still drunk with a case of laughing, dragged his potato bag around to the front. "It's him." he replied rather bubbly as the bag fell open. Neko and Malfoy both cocked their heads, greatly puzzled. They couldn't find the right words to describe their new dark lord until after a few seconds. Malfoy began catching his own case of the snickers and Neko shouted, "All hail the powerful Piss-e-mort!" Then she started giggling right along with Malfoy.

"Piss-e-mort?" Peter repeated to himself quite confused. He slowly looked down at the bag and gasped at the horror within. What was in the bag, anyway? A small puddle of wee-wee.

**(@_@) (^_^) (O_o)**

Okay, now was the time for a reality check. What he thought was a machine was a potato sack. The bumping motion was caused by the balding guy carrying the sack, not by the machine testing him for increased psychic powers. Moreover, the water that wetted his pants was pee. The lesson learned today is manga, like _Akira, _is pure fiction. 

Of course, Warui wondered why that man kidnapped him as he scrambled clueless through the night. Wouldn't you? Theory one was maybe Kami-sama (God) was punishing him for not doing the dishes. Theory two was that the balding man was some kind of child molester and was trying to... Warui couldn't bring himself to think about it. Way too scary.

"Oh I do say! Look, Harold! A Muggle!" someone gaily cried. Nani?! You mean there were **more** child molesters! Warui squinted through the darkness infront of him. Yep, there were lots of them all dressed in robes and all coming after the lost Japanese boy with a vicious hunger. 

Flipping back around, Warui prayed, "Kami-sama, please help me!! I promised you I've learned my lesson about dishes!" Kuso! Now, the robed men were rushing toward him from his new direction. Left! Right! Front! Back! There was nowhere to run to, and the circle of robed child molesters kept getting tighter and tighter...

Suddenly, a flash of cream zipped across the black painted sky. It landed directly in front of the trapped Warui and covered him in a protective manner. The men stopped immediately, shocked and afraid. Warui looked at his heavenly rescuer. So much joy and thankfulness over came his heart, he bear-hugged the creature around its neck. "Arigato (thank you), Kami-sama! ARIGATO!!" Grateful tears poured from his coffee colored eyes by the gallons. "Arigato." he repeated again, but this time as a whisper. The Death Eater circle now rang with the chattering teeth of cowardice. The scene was _too touching, and the creature was _too _scary. _

"LeGgO oF mY nEcK... yOu'Re ChOkInG mE..." hoarsely commanded the cream colored creature in perfect Japanese. Warui did as asked and stopped hugging it. Warui's rescuer took in deep gulps of oxygen trying to recover from the murderous hug. "Sir, *huff* what's your *huff* name?" it managed to ask.

"Hironobu Warui." With that answer and a few more air intakes, the creature swiftly climbed on top of the short Japanese boy's head and made foot holds on the black tangles of his soft hair. 

"ALL HAIL LORD WARUI! HEIR TO LORD VOLDEMORT!!" The cry seemed to echo throughout the all of Bristol and may have been heard in even London. A dead silence hung over the Death Eaters, but gradually, their whispers about this startling news flash filled the cool August air. After a few minutes of discussion, they became quiet again, still unsure on how to handle this. 

One Death Eater in the crowd, however, began bravely chanting, "Snuggles the bear lies! Snuggles the bear lies!" Two more chants soon joined the mix with the first and sounded a lot like 'Kill the Muggle" and 'She wore an isty, bitsy, tiney, weeny, yellow polka-dot bikini'. Warui stared up at 'Snuggles' very bewildered. Whatever was going on it was making his cute, small bear rescuer shake with fury. The bear quickly jumped down. Giving them a dirty glare, the bear disappeared with a poof, and a beautiful green-eyed woman stood in its place.

"You asses! You actually thought I was Snuggles the bear?!" she screamed in an irritated voice. "Plus why the heck would I, Twilight Neko, third in command lie to my fellow Death Eaters?" The 'Snuggles the bear lies' chanters promptly closed their mouths and hung their heads in shame. "Yeah, you better feel bad about it." she sneered. "But now, I tell you of terrible news. Lord Voldemort was murdered by Richard Simmons, our fourth in command. For this unspeakable crime, he has been banished to Mars where small aliens will chase him until he dies. Incidentally, Lord Voldemort has left us his heir, Warui Hironobu. From now on, he **is** the new dark lord." Twilight clearly heard the crickets chirp in the background. How aggravating! Those dopes still didn't believe her. The remaining chants flared back up to max volume, especially 'Kill the Muggle'. "He's not a damn Muggle! He's a wizard!" She shouted.

"But he has no robes or wand! If he isn't a Muggle prove it!" shouted back someone in the crowds. The woman massaged her aching head. Maybe she should just let them kill the boy, already. It was hard to believe what Peter said about this Warui being Voldemort's heir. He didn't even remotely look like he was up for the job, and Peter had been known for lying. Also, she had no way of proving he wasn't just a Muggle. 

"I am surrounded by the most idiotic/stubborn men in all of the Wizarding World..." She rubbed harder trying to make her head feel better. 

HOOT! HOOT! A large, gray owl flew by Warui and dropped a letter at his feet. The boy picked it up. It was written on what? Parchment... and written in emerald ink... sealed with a stamp... how strange. On the stamp was a lion, badger, snake, and raven all gathered around the English letter 'H'. 

Miss Neko gawked at the boy's luck. She snatched the letter away from Warui telling him she'll give back to him later. Jabbing letter so the other Death Eaters could see, she proudly explained, "See! He_ is a wizard, because only wizards get Hogwarts letters! So, all hail Dark Lord Warui!" Death Eaters all around shouted this new mantra to Warui, pleading their devotion to him. (Or either started singing the yellow polka-dot bikini song again.) Warui however felt differently..._

"I know I should have paid attention in English class." he quietly muttered to himself. Yeah, if you did you wouldn't be in this situation, would ya, Warui-sama?


End file.
